Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Will you still need me when I'm 64?

Mr. Chad's fish died and I had an epiphany. In his heartbreak, I had never realized how fragile he could be. He is always the strong one of us. He always makes sure everything gets done. He plans ahead while I live in the moment. He completes what I start.

For the first time EVER, b/c I am the one who always thinks I'm not good enough for his love, he tells me that he thinks that he has failed me. At that moment, literally, at that moment...all the fear I had about loving him forever disappeared.

My heart was so consumed by the fact that he felt that he had not loved me enough or that he had let me down in some way that I realized how much I truly loved him, that he was my home. My little piece of property 1/2 mile from the place I swore I'd never return to... I have always heard that one can never go home again, but it is only now that I realize where my "home" is...and where I want to be when I'm 64.

64,63,62,61,60...and so on. I hope you will stick with me.

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